understand what I'm seeing?!

Hello beautiful people-

     I'm between a size 12 and 14. I've gotten up to a size 16 at one point, but have been "thick(er)" since 6th grade. I have a diverse range of friends in the fact that we are literally all shapes and sizes. Some are extremely pear shaped, some top heavy, some lean, some petite, some top and bottom heavy. You get the idea. 

     I look at myself and I have my insecurities just like everyone, nothing out of the ordinary. Amidst conversation one of my girlfriends was telling me how she feels self-conscious about her body due to her recent weight gain. I'm thinking and trying to understand how she could feel this way. Yes, she may have gained a couple, maybe had to buy a pair of new jeans, but looking at myself in comparison to her I really don't understand how she could feel this way. It's not like she has to go into H&M try on a pair of pants and battle with the european style cuts though, right? And not to mention how much positive "play" she's been getting from the opposite sex, right? Or the fact that her new size isn't frowned upon by society, right? She replied that the issue goes far beyond those points. 

So I question you all: when someone complements us we humbly accept, but do we secretly wonder why'd they say that?

     I was looking at recent tagged pictures of myself on Facebook, and I was turned off. When speaking to the author, she gave continuous complements. Unfortunately, I wasn't quite convinced. Yes, I am a woman esteemed, probably one of the most esteemed women you will ever met, but no matter what my loved ones say when I look at myself (via mirror, pictures, etc.) I see something different. Something that is neither worse, nor better, but purely different. 

     We confide our bodily annoyances with our close friends and they say "Look at Jane Doe! Be happy because it could always be worse;" or "Look at Jane Doe...you're not that bad." Our friends, peers, and especially members of the opposite sex have the biggest impact on our "looking glass self." Looking glass self is the concept developed by Charles Horton Cooley that says we develop self-image through interaction with others, based on how they see us. So when friends complement us we may get this essence of "Yeah you're right...Beyonce may have to watch out for me." And this provides temporary relief until we walk down the street or see that celebrity, or worst of all, see a horrible picture of ourselves. Then we re-enter the cycle.

     Surely we are our biggest critic and worst enemy. This just shows that no matter how big, small, round, or flat we may be everyday we constantly fight a battle with ourselves. A battle that no one will or can understand; it's just our duty to us to find that medium ground.

xoxo,

    ♥ Jojo